Verbal U-Turns

• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• A penny saved is a government oversight.
• After six months in business, we were doing poorly. So we opened a second store.
  Fred DeLuca, founder of Subway
• All's well that ends.
  Robert Oglesby
• Be nice to your kids; it is they who will choose your nursing home.
• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you will be a mile away, and you will have his shoes.
• Change is inevitable . . . except from a vending machine.
• Did you by any chance take my pen? Or was it intentional?
  anonymous engineer
• Earth First! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
• Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction that doesn't work.
• f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
• Failure is not an option! It comes bundled with the software.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
• I bought a burglar alarm; it was stolen.
  My wife left me; her mother stayed.
  I stopped smoking; my car started.
  the unluckiest man in the world
• I cannot tell a lie . . . the same way twice.
  anonymous engineer
• I didn't say it was your fault. I said I'm blaming you.
• I don't have all my wits about me. Some of my wits are about other people.
  The Russler
• I love animals! They taste great!
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!
• I think this calls for a special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
• I think today's college students are some of the brightest, most articulate people in their age group.
Emo Phillips
• I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
• I'm supposed to respect my elders, but they are getting harder to find.
• I've forgotten more than I'll ever remember.
  Shawn McManus
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
• If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.
• If you love something, let it go. If it does not come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.
• It is not easy to become beautiful. It requires hard work, patience, and attention to detail. It also takes a certain firmness of purpose. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
  Miss Piggy
• Knowledge is having the information that a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Light travels faster than sound, and this is why some people appear intelligent until they speak.
• Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• Save the earth! It's the only planet that has chocolate.
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
• The Russler's tips on goal setting:
  Goals must be . . .
  1. specific,
  2. acheivable,
  3. measurable,
  4. guarded by a goalie.
• There's a bat cave here. And a few miles up the road, there's a goot one.
  Dr. Robert L. Scott
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens in New Orleans is all over the news.
  The Russler
• When life gives you lemons, make a sour face.
  The Russler
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• Women--you can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
  Emo Phillips
• You look suspicious; are you?
  Dale Larsen
• You don't need a parachute to skydive, unless you want to do it more than once.
  Dale Larsen