Corporate Buzzwords

One of The Russler's readers reports hearing that "This response was very robust and an extreme value-add." During my time in big business, I constantly had to do extensive research to figure out what management was saying. This might save you some time. (And it might save you sometime.)

ballpark

a better place to be than in this meeting; see also "game plan"

ballpark figure

athelete's physique

bandwidth

musician's physique

barrier removal

road construction site activity when the lanes are reopened

benchmark

a defacing of the work area caused by a dropped tool

best-in-class

of or relating to a straight A student

best practice

being on the golf course instead of the office

the big picture

in a collection of photographs, the one that allows its owner to be promoted without actually doing anything useful; see "blackmail"

blind side

the back of one's head, unless one is a teacher or parent

bottom line

"O C P D E J F Y Q Z R U T"; see "refocus"

broad-based

having a large derriere

buildout

what desk-bound employees do to their bodies instead of building them up

business portfolio

marketing equivalent to a wallet full of "pictures of my grandkids"; in other words, stuff you like to brag about that really wasn't your doing

caveat

delicacy made from fish eggs . . . I think

client-focused

looking at one's workstation, as opposed to working on the server

co-opt

polite term meaning to fight with a business partner

co-sourcing

producing mixed signals, as in "We are co-sourcing with IBM on this project."

come to market quickly

get to Foley's before they open

commoditize

to put in the toilet

component

a part of the whole; especially, the part that doesn't work well with the rest

core business

the apple industry

cross-functional

angry and dysfunctional, as in "I have a meeting this afternoon with that cross-functional task force."

customer-driven

having our transportation expenses covered in the user's contract

deep dive

method of getting into more hot water, as in "On Monday, we’ll deep dive into that market discussion."

deliverables

newborn babies

deploy

to place in battle formation

done deal

subject to change

emerging technologies

things understood only by engineers

emergency

anything requested by a user

empower

to tell employees that they matter

enabling

letting an alcoholic relative keep on drinking

environment

the complex of climatic, edaphic, and biotic factors that act upon an organism or an ecological community and ultimately determine its form and survival

extreme

former resident of one of the oldest neighborhoods in New Orleans

facilitate

to force into being or action, as in "David will be facilitating this task."

fast track

a corporate ladder consisting of wounded or deceased bodies of coworkers
(Note: the "corporate" in "corporate ladder" is from the Latin "corpus" which means "body.")

flexible

willing to do what the management or marketing people want at the given moment and able to anticipate what they will want at the next moment

focus

the point at which rays of light converge, very important to the use of the ubiquitous overhead projector

functionality

the tendency to attend a lot of parties

game plan

a scheme to get out of here and to a better place; see "ballpark"

gap analysis

checking one's fly

global

spherical, as in "Everyone on the global team likes donuts."

go the extra mile

means of getting around some traffic jams

hardball

a popular office toy at one time; replaced by the koosh ball after several fatalities

heads-up

alert, resourceful, or unusually tall

high-level

vague, as in "Let me give you a high-level description of the requirements."

high-profile

important to a good friend of someone in upper-level management

in the loop

ready to be hanged on a gallows, as in "It is important to keep your manager in the loop."

incent

to anger, similar to "incense" but not as strong, as in "That should incent the customer."

industry-specific

resembling a smokestack

information-based

filled with useless data--well, okay some of it is useful, but the rest is just there to provide more columns or pages to reports that are generated, printed, glanced at (optional), and thrown away

infrastructure

the permanent installations required for military operations

integrated

accessible to people of all races

interim

inside rim of a coffee cup, as in "Things are starting to grow inside my mug. I need to soak it in an interim solution!"

knowledge base

the sum total of one's prejudices

lessons learned

excuses for embarrassing mistakes

leverage

abuse, as in "We need to leverage our team members."; comes from the notion of beating someone with a crowbar

market-based

founded upon the ideas of salesmen

market-facing

standing in front of the grocery store

mindset

a collections of brains; see "Dr. Frankenstein"

mission-critical

early pilot of a TV show that later became "Mission: Impossible"

movers and shakers

a religion popular in the 1800s that emphasized the Holy Spirit

the next level

often, the location of housewares, toys, or lingerie

on the same page

the relationship between "teamwork" and "tea party"

opportunity

activity forced upon an unwilling employee, as in "Sam will be leaving the team and pursuing a new opportunity."

out of the loop

in the suburbs

paradigm shift

reaction caused by driving around a corner with twenty cents on the dashboard

peel back the onion

make those around you cry

pipeline

a tobacconist's array of smoking apparatuses

player

someone who pretends to be something he is not, as in "Here is the org chart. Let me introduce you to some of the players."

premier

earliest, that which has been around the longest, as in "We are offering a premier software package to our customer."

prioritize

to assign random numbers to

proactive

the situation of a career athlete who is too valuable to society to be punished for any criminal activity; current examples include Dallas Cowboys; for future examples watch the Nebraska Cornhuskers

productivity

another name for the 80-hour work week

push the envelope

"Get this junk mail offa my desk!"

put that one to bed

to place in one's flower garden

ramp-up

the process of gradually getting farther from reality; the higher you get, the more spectacular the fall

realignment

mass firing of employees

refocus

the action of the eyes after reading the big E and before reading the line that says "O C P D E J F Y Q Z R U T"

reorganization

a weekly activity engaged in by management personnel with too little to do

repeatable

semi-automatic

repository

after-hours book drop (for those who don't read: after-hours video drop)

resource

dehumanizing term for person, sometimes confused with "racehorse"

result-driven (also results-driven)

unmotivated by ethics

revisit

periodic event by a mother-in-law

rightsizing

perpetual reorganization

robust

a robot that resembles only a human head and shoulders

rollout

the public introduction of a new aircraft; a football play in which the quarterback rolls to his left or right

segue

a transition from one musical number to the next

service offerings

the collections taken up during church assemblies

single point of contact

anode or cathode

solutions

homogeneous mixtures formed by the dissolving of solids or liquids in another liquid

standards . . . procedures . . . documentation

a set of business entities outside the scope of knowledge of a computer programmer

strategic

a characteristic of any plan whose due date is too far away to make it possible to determine whether the end result will bear any resemblance to the original desired result

straw man

scarecrow

synergy

contraction for "synthetic energy"; not to be confused with "artifice", a contraction for "artificial intelligence"

tactical

relating to speech which is uttered only after choosing words carefully so as to avoid hurt feelings

take it off-line

shut up

team

a group of people who share breakfast on Friday mornings

team player

anyone good at hackysack

think outside the box

come up with something logical for a change

touch base

a feature of certain table lamps that allows them to be turned on and off without a conventional switch

value-added

more expensive

vision statement

report from the optometrist

win-win

relating to a situation that is very beneficial to the person using the term, regardless of the benefit to others

world-class

a geography course

yellow-pad study

the debris left behind after a brain storm