- Soft drinks at that place will cost you $2 a pop.
- I hate to make blanket statements, but I think there's been a cover-up.
- If you have a stomach bug, shouldn't you see a gastroentomologist?
- Don't count your chickens before the fat lady sings.
- I want to become invisible now. Do I make myself clear?
- People used to confuse me with my brother. Now I get confused even without him around.
- When I was born, my parents gave me a funny look. I still have it.
- This morning my wife told me I needed a hair cut. Tonight I looked in the mirror and saw which one she was talking about.
- I was trying to remember who Thomas Edison was. Then a light bulb came on.
- My next career is going to be contract hit man. I hear they make a killing.
- I spilled glue all over this ink pen, but I can't seem to throw it away. I've become attached to it.
- Turn your TO-DO List into a TA-DA List!
- I accidently cut my finger while getting the cheese out of the package. I guess next time I won't buy the sharp cheddar.
- They had a talking minah bird in the lobby. It had a fowl mouth.
- I'll go out of my way to avoid a detour.
- Oh yeah? Well, my dog can lick your dog!
- I was talking to the group about electroconvulsive therapy. People were shocked.
- Robert has been instrumental in promoting a cappella music.
- He said his name was Giuseppe Righello, but he was only Joe King.
- Since sunscreen blocks UV rays, can you use it as eyedrops and look directly at the sun?
- I don't remember being this forgetful!
- Like . . . I was like, "What's she like? Like, do you like, like her?"
- I've been diagnosed with sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia.
- Alison was very vocal about women keeping silent.
- Talk about working yourself out of a job! I had a business going door-to-door selling "NO SOLICITATION" signs.
- I don't have all my wits about me. Some of my wits are about other people.
- We went to the service at the cathedral,
and everyone was griping about everything.
It was clear that we had reached critical mass.
- I used to have a spring in my step. Now it's a fall.
- It smells bad in our shopping center's parking lot, but it's not my fault. It's asphalt.
- When people move here from East Asia, they're disoriented.
- Is there any significance to the fact that I can't remember the show "Unforgettable"?
- This guy had a list of swear words. I didn't even take a cursory look.
- An unhealthy person is always coming down with something.
A hypochondriac is always coming up with something.
- Some guy was riding a bicycle, and when he got to a stop sign, he didn't stop.
But he did slow down.
So, I pulled him off of his bike and started beating him up.
When he yelled at me to stop . . .
I just slowed down. . . .
- The Russler: Mr. Brown, may I borrow your pliers?
- Mr. Brown: What are you trying to pull?
- The Russler: Never mind. May I borrow your hammer?
- Mr. Brown: Knock yourself out.
- The Russler: May I borrow your crowbar? I don't mean to pry. . . .
- Mr. Brown: Here, you can borrow my pencil!
- The Russler: Is there a point to this?
Interviewer: Do you have multiple personalities?
The Russler: Who are you asking?
The precedence of
NOT, AND, OR
AND, OR, NOT
OR, NOT, AND
NOT, OR, AND.
Verses For Seniors
- "The very hairs of your head are numbered."
- Phlippants 2:1
- "Blessed are the pacemakers."
- 1st Cardiacs 12:34
- "Give us this day our daily meds."
- Hippocrates 24:7
- "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we diet."
- Isayit 207:206
Time Travel Club
meets on Thursday nights
from 7:30 until 6:00.
I tried an experiment with a messaging app.
Click HERE to see the result!