Zivaisms

quotes from the character Ziva

on the hit TV show "N.C.I.S."

Prelude:

My Five Favorite Episodes Of "N.C.I.S."*

the one where Gibbs slaps DiNozzo on the back of the head
the one where Abby shouts "Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs"
the one where DiNozzo acts childishly
the one where everyone pretends to drink from full coffee cups that are obviously actually empty otherwise there would be coffee all over the characters and all over the floor because the actors immediately tilt the cups up to the point where they are parallel to the floor and if you don't believe me try it yourself but I'm not saying that I actually tried it
the one where Ziva gets a word wrong in a familiar idiom . . .

American idioms drive me up the hall!
Are we going up this street again?
Are you getting so hot and bothersome because you think I may be having a little fun?
cleaning up his loose ends
Crime scene skills are getting a bit dusty.
Did she give you the cold elbow?
Did you wake up in the wrong bed this morning?
Ducky, drip it!
Eager platypus
Easy, Lion!
Everyone's avoiding me! I mean, I m being treated like a leopard.
Halligan is on the goat. . . . Sheep? (He was on the lam.)
He's chomping out McGee.
He's going to chew you up.
He's like the big rhinoceros no one wants to talk about.
Hey, we ll make it worth your wow.
How is that for old school slothing?
I didn't know you were a pool dolphin.
I'd say it backfired, large time.
I'm braless. (When she couldn't get a cell signal.)
I've asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar.
If the glue sticks . . .
Is that why we're here? So you can google the girls?
It calms my mind. Forces me to stay focused at the job in my hand.
It'll be like trying to find a pin in the haystack.
It's like shooting fish in a pond!
Kody was covering his plates. I think Tony was jerking your brain.
Lions and spiders and bears, oh my!
Living off the griddle.
McGee, you look like you've seen a goat.
Mind if I take a batnap?
No wonder he's keeping his cards so close to his breast.
Okay. But you re tying my feet.
Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Once in a blue lagoon.
Quite the waterfall. (Speaking of death benefits.)
She claimed Heller was not there but I smelled fish.
She is one angry screw!
So . . . this is where the redthroats hang out.
Sometimes it's hard to see the jungle through the ferns.
That is total salami!
The boy has remarkable memory. There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up.
The man is spic and spam.
The Pentagon is rock-walling me.
Then maybe we should spitball ideas and see what sticks.
They're going to try to use her bad taste in men to impregnate her credibility.
They're just trying to get your sheep.
This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack.
We are barking up the wrong bush?
We are here to sit on the baby.
We canvassed the area. No one is talking. There is a smurf war.
Why don't you zipper it up, Tony?
Why haven't you breasted them?
You are such a control geek.
You catch more bees with honey.
You look run over.
You might want to do something about your hair. It's sticking up like a porcuswine.
You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky.
You're a broken tape, Gibbs.
Your goose is fried!
Zipper it up!

*I also have these favorite episodes of "Columbo":

the one where we already know whodunnit before the police arrive
the one where the murderer is rich and kinda famous
the one where Columbo acts dumb and has trouble finding a pen
the one where he's smoking a cigar no matter what else he's doing
the one where he talks about his wife but you never see her
the one where, after he walks out and the perp relaxes, he walks back in with "just one more thing"